it all ends with grace

it all began with a 20 week scan

I knew this early on,

that things weren’t going to plan.

our new little baby had a right club-foot

 and operations, splints & casting

would be all it took,

to fix her cute foot deformity

and try and bring back some normality.

the royal childen’s hospital soon felt like home

yet this mama had such a huge urge to roam

I wanted to enjoy this new born time alone

instead of this huge sea of abyss we were suddenly thrown.

something else was wrong, I could feel this girl suffer

after all being her mama, I knew her like no other.

a woman holds a power of deep intuition,

if only she took time stop, trust and listen.

As I held her tight through the middle of the night

my heart wept coz things were definitely not right

this innocent girl lay fast asleep

unaware then of her mothers grief

first came the label of microcephaly

a serious birth abnormality

mental retardation and short life span

wheel chairs and seizures

were not part of my mothering plan.

I tried not google but it’s like pandora’s box

one link sends you to the next

by this stage I needed a scotch on the rocks.

A brain MRI was next on the list

meanwhile I was starting to get the gyst

that life seemed to have another plan for us

if only I could stay open to faith and trust.

The results were in, and delivered so blunt

two parents listening to the news their shoulders so slumped

i wondered if I would ever get over this bump.

Your child’s brain injury is severe ‘Im sorry to say

what I am about to tell you will leave you in dismay

it’s a lot for any parent to comprehend

and i know it must feel like life suddenly has an end

to all the adventure, hope and inspiration

now all you are left with is a lot of confusion.

she will not develop the usual way

new things will have to come into play

to try and unlock any hidden potential

dealing with your grief is also essential

your daughter will not be able to walk,

its unlikely she will ever start to talk.

there will many secondary health concerns

which each have a corresponding specialist who will discern

what type of therapy, medication of surgery is required

you’ll probably stay up googling all night until you feel wired,

but through this all you will surely learn

what this precious girl really needs

& that is for you to hold onto hope

because through the darker days

it’s the only thing that will help you cope

now remember this most of all..

that after you take time to grieve

you must pick yourself up and honestly believe,

that there’s no one quite like your own child

to fiercely protect and make your heart go wild

so let this new adventure set sail

and with each little mirco-milestone something will unvail

new shifts in perspective

or a creative view

will be all you need, for this life to feel new

im not going to tell you its an easy road

or recite  those well-meaning quotes

that make you want to explode

about being a parent to a special needs child,

whether it be severe, moderate to mild…

the truth be told we may not have chosen this path

yet who’s to say the alternative may not have been a weaker raft

now remember this my dear Mama’s,

the wisest words from our Dalai Lama

‘Sometimes not getting what you want

is a wonderful stroke of luck’

& with those sage words you must take a punt

on how you choose to live your life, after you have fallen into a rut.

Go forth with love and embrace

and live the life in which you faced

my dearest mama and child

for you are both full of grace…

1 Comment »

  1. ‘it all ends with grace’ Tears flowing! Beautifully written my beautiful daughter Natalie, love you so much mama 💛🌈🙏

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